"You'll enjoy yourself, but you're wanting to go somewhere like Greece.""You're mum and dad are both working, aren't they?" Both retired."You don't drive." I do "But you really worry about driving, for some reason. I feel it's your mum's mum that I've got around me who's your guide, and I feel she passed over quite some years ago. We must be talking five or six years ago." She died last year."Was she in her late 70s?" One month away from her 91st birthday. "I feel her husband passed over with a heart attack." Cancer."Have you got a friend called Jane or Janine?" No. "Can you watch for a lady with that name coming into your life I feel she's going to be a big influence.

This is just round here on the bottom of the cheek."The scrutiny continues. "You've got loads of opportunities around you, and I don't feel that you will get a guy around you permanent for the next two years. It's because of your career, and relationships hold you back You need to be going forward It won't be until 2003.""What? What?" I cry. "Where does it say I won't meet him for two years? I'm sure you're mistaken," I crane around to catch sight of the offending line. "It's somewhere down here," says Amos, pointing to a broken vein."That?" I ask.

"Look again, I'm sure it doesn't say that." Amos looks again, but reaches the same conclusion. I pull up my trousers, hoping the truth isn't always out there.. Christmas is a peculiar day It is not Easter It is certainly not the late- summer bank holiday It has a set of rituals all its own. I usually try to get up by 7am in order to let the camera crew into the house. Some people prefer to use leftovers from the day before, but I do prefer to start with a fresh crew every morning Christmas is a peculiar day It is not Easter It is certainly not the late- summer bank holiday It has a set of rituals all its own. I usually try to get up by 7am in order to let the camera crew into the house.

Some people prefer to use leftovers from the day before, but I do prefer to start with a fresh crew every morning. Right, to get going you need a turkey. These can be bought at shops - Harrods and Fortnum & Mason are the names of two quite well-known ones Alternatively, ring up and have one sent round. It is important to glaze the bird as efficiently as possible, so you can get it all done in one take. Speaking for myself, I don't like cameramen hanging round the kitchen while I'm staring at the unvarnished expanse of a fowl's nether regions, but other cooks may think differently.Vegetables - these are little green things that are usually found in the bottom compartment of your fridge - can be boiled in water. This is readily available in bottles from the supermarket, although I believe - this is a secret between ourselves, mind! - that a company called Thames Water is now able to supply it on tap to selected households in the west London area.As for the Christmas cake, I hate meagreness - the scant, sensible serving, the denuded plate, the too-small publisher's advance.