They want it to be all about me and How I Win The Forthcoming Election. Also it will be very useful for you, the reader, as it will help you understand How Elections Really Work.Explaining things is a very important part of Winning Elections. What I've discovered is that when you want to win your first one, you have to explain complicated things in simple terms. But when you want to win your third election, because you've been in power for ages and Things Really Should Be Better, you have to explain simple things in complicated terms.The week started with the Pope dying Which was Sad. Which is why I said: "He was an inspiration, a man of extraordinary faith, dignity and courage."I wanted to add, "but he was wrong about Iraq" but Ellen Milburn said no.

Ellen is my new Election Tsar and shows that, in fact, I do let women hold positions of Real Responsibility. However, as Ellen can sometimes storm off to spend "more time with my family", I make sure she's out of the room when I'm on the phone to Peter, Alastair or Philip with the Glasses, really deciding how to run things.Because the Pope died I delayed calling the election This was out of Respect. It was also because I'd just read that any Roman Catholic male could be elected Pope And the Pope is Pope for life. But unfortunately there isn't enough time for me to convert before the cardinals vote.On Tuesday I went to see The Queen to ask her to dissolve Parliament.

She said "But I thought you'd done that already?"The rest of the week was spent with hectic electioneering. So it was nice to be able to get away for a Short Break on Friday to Rome. Coincidentally that was just when the Pope was being buried so I Represented The Country. I'm quite good at funerals now that I've learned how not to Grin at the cameras.Prince Charles was there too He looked even more solemn than me. Maybe it was because he was getting married to Camilla the next day.