Their adaptation of "I'll Never Fall in Love Again" burned into Black's memory:What do you get when you drink the wine?A pounds 10 fine and a year's probationKnee in the balls at the polis stationI'll never drink the wine againWe also encounter the sinister Kilt Police, armed only with boot polish, and learn the bittersweet saga of Bodyswerve and the bairn that never was. In the morning he scored twice despite being marked by Bobby Moore.Drink, aka The Bevvy, plays no small part in Ian Black's Tales of the Tartan Army (Mainstream, pounds 8.99). He was found dead seven years ago.Friday was a pigeon-toed ex-asphalter with a penchant for spectacular goals and a passion for excess He spent one New Year's Eve drunkenly dancing on pub tables. So did Robin Friday, though whereas Claridge has made the most of a modest talent, Friday literally pissed his exceptional ability against a wall. The sadness of The Greatest Footballer You Never Saw, by Paolo Hewitt and Oasis bassist Paul McGuigan (Mainstream, pounds 9.99), is that the former Reading striker is not around to enjoy the belated acclaim.
Highly recommended.Claridge plays with his socks rolled down. But there's much more: from clashes at Cambridge (one more than verbal) with the lord of long-ball brutalism, John Beck, to the circus that was Birmingham under Karren Brady (as it were) and Barry Fry. When Claridge bought a video of a match in which he had scored a hat-trick, he recognised the commentator as the team's bus driver, who was struggling to be heard above a moaning fan.It is Aldershot, rather than Leicester, where he finally cracked it, that Claridge calls "the happiest time of my career". Confirm- ing that failure makes for better football literature than success, his time at Aldershot forms the most compelling chapter. Cheques bounced, overnight stays were out (even to Carlisle) and the Christmas turkeys from the club were rotten.
Only two books, Eamon Dunphy and Peter Ball's Only A Game? and Fred Eyre's Kicked Into Touch, have got inside the humour of the game as successfully as Claridge and his collaborator, Ian Ridley, The Independent on Sunday's Football Correspondent. If your mental picture of the journeyman striker is of him wheeling away to celebrate a goal then you have not read his entertaining memoir. Tales From the Boot Camps (Vista, pounds 5.99) finds Claridge stuck in a ditch, beneath a tractor after an incident with a melon. From Weymouth to Wembley, Steve Claridge's journey was more chequered than a Croatian shirt. The Working Man's Ballet by Alan Hudson (Robson) pounds 17.99; Puskas on Puskas edited by Rogan Taylor & Klara Jamrich (Robson) pounds 17.99; Harry's Game by Dave Bassett & Bernard Bale (Breedon) pounds 15.99; Kevin Keegan: My Autobiography by Kevin Keegan and Bob Harris (Little Brown) pounds 16.99; Geordie Messiah: The Keegan Years by Alan Oliver (Mainstream) pounds 14.99; Kevin Keegan: Reluctant Messiah by Michael Hodges (Boxtree) pounds 5.99; Mickey Thomas: Wild at Heart by Andy Strickland (Boxtree) pounds 5.99; Charlie Nicholas: The Adventures of Champagne Charlie by David Stubbs (Boxtree) pounds 5.99; Danny Blanchflower by Dave Bowler (Victor Gollanz) pounds 16.99; Matthew Harding by Alyson Rudd (Mainstream) pounds 15.99; Football Wizard: The Billy Meredith Story by John Harding (Robson) pounds 17.95; Terminator: The Julian Dicks Story by Kirk Blows (Polar) pounds 9.99; Glenn Hoddle by Brian Woolnough (Virgin) pounds 14.99; Chris Waddle: The Authorised Biography by Mel Stein (Simon & Shuster) pounds 15.99; England: The Official FA History by Niall Edworthy (Virgin) pounds 16.99.. Niall Edworthy's coffee-table review may be "official" but it is not bland.A Will to Win by Alex Ferguson & David Meek (Andre Deutsch) pounds 14.99; Odd Man Out by Brian McClair & Joyce Wooldridge (Andre Deutsch) pounds 14.99; Left Foot in the Grave? by Garry Nelson & Anthony Fowles (HarperCollins) pounds 14.99; Everton Blues by Neville Southall & Ric George (B&W) pounds 6.99; Ruud Gullit: The Chelsea Diary by Harry Harris (Orion) pounds 16.99.