Sadly, the IRB are more interested in whether a line-out jumper should be lifted by the thighs, the shorts, the ankles or the earlobes.All sorts of nonsense has been spoken about the Six Nations recently: for instance, those Rugby Football Union types who are busily accusing the Premiership club owners of ruining England's international chances by insisting on a suicidal fixture list are the very same people who want the international championship shifted back to the end of the season, when the players would be even more cream-crackered than they are now.There's logic for you.Thank heaven, then, for the people who made the old Five Nations what it was and promise to do the same for this bigger, more exotic and less insular version: the blokes on the pitch and the men, women and children in the stands. Both steps would free up tight, ultra-defensive matches: without body armour, the tackling would be less ferocious - just one JPR Williams per side, rather than 15 - while a no-subs decree would increase the number of tired forwards in the final quarter of a contest and give the backs some time and space in which to strut their stuff. At last week's launch in London's Victoria and Albert Museum (as someone rather cruelly pointed out, an appropriate venue given the number of ancient relics in attendance), Hosie used the word "great" in referring to the competition almost as often as Muhammad Ali used it in referring to himself.In which case, why on earth take the jewel in European rugby's crown out of the throne room and into the laboratory? No other governing body on earth would use its most valuable asset as a test tube, but then, the International Rugby Board is out on its own and away with the fairies when it comes to doing the wrong thing in the wrong place at the wrong time.Their decision to experiment with hopelessly convoluted scrummaging, line-out and tackle-ball modifications in front of umpteen million television viewers, rather than in some suitably low-profile game between Bedford Extra Firsts and Old Muckyduckians, is pretty staggering even by IRB standards.They would not have been quite so culpable had they chosen to implement rule changes that might have made a lasting contribution to the well-being of the international game: a complete ban on body armour, for instance, or an immediate end to all tactical substitutions. Even Murrayfield, that well-known spectator-free zone, will be heavily populated in the first week of March, when Scotland take on France in their first home game of a peculiarly structured campaign that sees the reigning champions on the road in three of the first four rounds.Yet there is something distinctly odd about this inaugural Six Nations.Listen to Allan Hosie, the chairman of the Six Nations Committee, and you would think this Italy-enriched tournament was more sacred than the Turin Shroud.

The smoked salmon and Chablis set will be out in force at Twickenham on Saturday, just as the red-scarved boyos will spend their weekend in Cardiff boozing their way from the Old Arcade to the Millennium Stadium and back again. The undeniable, indefinable magic of the oldest international tournament in world rugby ensures that it will once again survive the worst excesses of those who govern it. As if six new captains, three new coaches and one entirely new diner at the top table of the northern hemisphere game were not enough to be going on with, the expanded Six Nations community has also been lumbered with a raft of new laws, most of which will confuse the hell out of the players and further torment a panel of put-upon referees who are already about as popular as an escalope of veal at a vegan dinner party. As for the supporters, well, no one in authority could care less about them, as long as they keep turning up.And turn up they will, in their tens of thousands. The shock of the new can be too shocking by half, as European rugby may well discover over the next two months. Next year sees an American Grand Prix take place in September for the first time since 1991..

The shock of the new can be too shocking by half, as European rugby may well discover over the next two months. As if six new captains, three new coaches and one entirely new diner at the top table of the northern hemisphere game were not enough to be going on with, the expanded Six Nations community has also been lumbered with a raft of new laws, most of which will confuse the hell out of the players and further torment a panel of put-upon referees who are already about as popular as an escalope of veal at a vegan dinner party. In fact the FIA's turnover is less than 0.1% of motor sport in general and in the order of 0.2-0.4% of the turnover of the FIA Formula One World Championship or of the FIA World Rally Championship."Your services' case in respect of Formula One is rendered ridiculous by the complete absence of any complaint from organisers, promoters and teams said by the competition department to have been oppressed."The services of the competition have broken the laws of the EU, behaved grossly improperly and displayed incompetence amounting to abuse."There are currently 11 Grand Prix races in Europe with more events being added outside the Continent. The agreements governing Formula One were re-negotiated as recently as 1998 to the satisfaction of all concerned."Formula One is the only major world sport to ensure that every citizen of the EU can watch each event on terrestrial television entirely free of charge."We believe that this is an indefensible position for an EU public body and one which conflicts with the principles of the Television Without Frontiers Directive."Your service's statement of objections do not attempt to show that the FIA enjoys any form of economic dominance. The claim arose in 1997 after a warning letter to the FIA was leaked to the press.The EU denied leaking the note for almost four months and only issued a public apology as recently as July 1999.In December, the Commission was ordered to pay 40,000 Euros (£25,000) towards the FIA's legal costs for contesting the illegal disclosure.In the letter, Mosley says: "The competition department wants to change Formula One radically. People would want to watch a race whether it was in the UK or Argentina. I've long believed that places like Venezuela, South Africa and Mexico should have more races."Formula One is currently available on terrestrial television throughout Europe, but Mosley believes a change in broadcasting rules would leave fans having to go through pay-per-view channels to watch races.The FIA, motor racing's world governing body, have also accused the EU of trying to break them up and encourage multiple ruling bodies for the sport."It is disturbing that an important EU institution should behave in this way," Mosley had earlier stated in Brussels."We believe their legal case is hopeless and that they should not try to bolster it with improper and illegal acts."Last summer they had to apologise to us for leaking prejudicial documents, yet their officials are still acting improperly."That is why I am now asking the new commissioner for competition, Professor Monti, to intervene to ensure that principles of fairness and transparency are restored inside the competition department."Mosley also issued an open letter to Professor Monti in which he repeated his claim of dishonesty against the EU.

"We ensure that it is put out free."If necessary we will take them to the European Court. We believe they are bound to fail because their case is hopelessly weak."If the EU do win the right to dissolve the current television deal, Mosley insisted he would have no hesitation to take races elsewhere."We might reduce the number of events in the EU," he told BBC Radio 5 Live."People would watch on television in Europe wherever the event takes place. FIA president Max Mosley today threatened to reduce the number of grands prix in Europe if television rights for Formula One on the Continent are taken out of their hands by the European Union. Mosley attacked the EU for claiming his organisation are exerting an unfair monopoly on the rights."They say we've taken the rights from the organisers That's complete nonsense," he said. People think we're a fun team but behind the mask is a steely determination."The Irishman also divulged that recent market research into the public perception of the team had asked a range of questions including: "Have you ever heard of Eddie Jordan?""One person answered: 'Yeah, he's that Irish guy who talks too much'," Jordan said " 'Dodgy git, but he always lands on his feet'.". FIA president Max Mosley today threatened to reduce the number of grands prix in Europe if television rights for Formula One on the Continent are taken out of their hands by the European Union. Jaguar could have teething problems as well as the benefits of their backing Unlike Jackie Stewart, I am not ready for retirement yet Retirement, like champagne, is on ice.