For travel from 8 January until the end of March, the airline (0870 60 70 555; ) has a fare of £198 return to Washington, with Chicago priced at £298. This bastard creation of a barbarous fancy was no doubt inflicted upon mythology for the sins of its deities. Of all unbeautiful and inappropriate conceptions this is the most reasonless and offensive. The notion of symbolizing sexual love by a semisexless babe - of introducing this pudgy homunculus into art grossly to materialize the subtle spirit and suggestion of the work - this is eminently worthy of the age that, giving it birth, laid it on the doorstep of posterity.Cynic, n. A more than commonly plain reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering.

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.Cannibal, n. A gastronome of the old school who preserves the simple tastes and adheres to the natural diet of the pre-pork period.Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.Christian, n. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.Cupid, n The so-called god of love. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.Brute, n See husband.Calamity, n.

A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan Dose, a headful all the time.Bride, n. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.Bath, n. A kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship, with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined Belladonna, n In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.Bigot, n.