A fave of 1995, Rotation has a funky special at Zelda's, 74 Charlotte St on Saturday 23 from 10pm. Mood music specialist Count Indigo has moved his motley crew to the faded grandeur of L'Equipe Anglaise, 21 Duke St (0171-486 8281) for a tables and chairs conversation piece tonight from 9pm. The Aquarium, 256 Old St, EC1 is finally finished, the pool is a toasty temperature, so why not take a dip, particularly on Saturday at Movimento, the cognescentis' fave garage club of the moment.1995 saw the Blue Note at the venue, 1, Hoxton Square (0171-729 8440), owned by Acid Jazz Records, establish itself as the premier club for jungle, trip-hop and all funky sounds in-between. Organiser, Neil Perry, says the swim "blows off the cobwebs"; alternatively, you can draw the curtains and lay into that tin of Quality Street. Uppies & Doonies, Kirkwall, Orkney, Christmas & New Year's Day 1pm; Peter Pan Cup, Hyde Pk, London W2, Christmas Day 9am; Walrus Dip, Pembrey Country Pk, Llanelli, Wales, Boxing Day 10.45am. With a myriad of office dos and assorted festive shindigs; the streets of London are awash with wobbling workers. It's a wonder anyone has the liver capacity for more nightclubbing. The Walrus Dip off Cefn Sidian Beach attracts 100 fancy-dress swimmers.

Past plungers include Little Bo Peep, the Owl and the Pussycat, and a Walrus. We have a bank of suites along the Avenue Montaigne, all Louis XV and shag pile. The boys and I search for their telly which rises out of a glass-topped dressing table. First night, dinner out with the Fox office on one of the bateaux mouches that ply their business up and down the Seine each night, floodlighting the sights and the bank-side lovers. Mac and Kieran do important damage to the American abroad stereotype and endear themselves enormously to the French by downing plates of frogs' legs and snails.Kit and Pat - Mom and Dad Culkin - are finding it tougher going than the boys and choose, it has to be said, one of the world's great venues, comfortable with solid silver room service, to settle into colds.

We leave them surrounded by soup dishes and the train set (courtesy of Fox France) and head off to explore Paris in our little limo. Mac comes over all filial and decides this is the place to get Mom perfume for Christmas, so we stop off at Fragonard and another terrifyingly classy place near the Louvre. Mac is recognised in both and we come away loaded down with samples and giveaways - and the odd purchase.Back at the Plaza Athenee they are getting to know us. We are invited to a grand dinner in the hotel's restaurant - it's all showmanship, caviar and flambeed sauces, wines older than me; and the boys adore it. At one point various chefs can be seen craning and peering in at the windows.Hanging Out in HamburgWell into the second week, and no let-up. At each airport, ushered through the VIP route, we meet the local Fox team and have an update, like regional weather, of how the film is faring. A lot of on-the-hop lessons, but much more general chat about each country, as best I can.

It's certainly an education no classroom can offer.I'm continually bemused by the interest shown by the press; a triumph of marketing and PR. Seemingly, you can arrive in a capital and see representatives of every major paper, TV and radio station in less than 48 hours. You can do this even if you are a kid - and, as Costner said: "They will come." Why doesn't this happen with important scientists? Why does no one do publicity tours for the hottest new teachers?Hamburg's attractions, famously, are not for the under-aged. It's just as well that the vast Atlantic Hotel provides ideal in-house entertainments, the imposing corridors ideal for racing remote control cars (courtesy of Fox Germany), its pool quite large enough to swing a kid in - though you won't thereby endear yourself to its more regular clientele. We befriend another American out of water - the hotel pianist who hangs out in the pool as well. She and Mac end up doing duets in the lobby on our last evening.MadridThe Spanish do things differently. There seem to be parties organised to cope with all the press interest, or is it the closeness of Christmas? The hotel has a big early evening bash as we arrive, from which Mac is repeatedly extracted to do interviews.